The Dudhope Legacy – Part 5

“I used to believe in forever, but forever is too good to be true.” – Winnie the Pooh

It was a favorite quote, a reality she lived everyday. Dianne’s whistle died in her throat, and she sighed to herself as she watched Bill hurrying down the hallway. Winne the Pooh had a lot of life figured out.

She picked up her mop and wrung it out in the pail. A grey film covered the hot sudsy water. Adjusting her grey cardigan to sit properly on her shoulder, Dianne paused her mopping to reflect on what had just happened. It had been hard to see, but Dianne was pretty sure there had been a smile on Bill’s face as he passed her. In fact, while she couldn’t say for sure, in hindsight there seemed to be more of a glimmer in Bill’s eye. They’d almost even made eye contact. He must not have heard her greeting or he would have answered for sure. He didn’t even seem embarrassed about the split in his pants. Really only a certain kind of guy could be that confident. It could only mean one thing. She had suspected it for years, but this confirmed it for sure. Bill really was sweet on her.

A smile stretched across Dianne’s face, and she stood a little taller. She leaned the mop handle against the wall and adjusted her ponytail, her grey hair too short to fit in the band. She had admired Bill from afar for many years, his dedication to his job, his love for his students, the way his mustache curled over his lips. Dianne sighed a little. Bill certainly was a looker, but it was more than that. The man was brilliant. Dianne could ‘clean’ for hours outside Bill’s classroom door as he lectured the students on the Latin roots of words. That was his passion. Dianne didn’t understand a word of it, but that didn’t matter. She just liked the sound of his voice.

Dianne glanced at the clock. Now that Bill was gone, there really wasn’t much point in lingering. She had been hoping to clean his classroom before he left for the day, but Bill had wrapped up earlier than she had expected. It wouldn’t take too long to clean his classroom. Bill always tidied up the room before he left. He was so helpful like that.

Yes, that smile on Bill’s face had been meant for her. She was sure of it now.

She had been in a senior when Bill had begun teaching at the school. All the girls had been gushy over him. It was ridiculous really, the way they’d giggle as he walked by. They had all signed up for his classes, suddenly interested in African American Literature. And where, Dianne lifted her chin, were they all now? Only Dianne remained. Theirs had been nothing but silly high school crushes, but Dianne had felt something much deeper.

It had been nothing but pure luck when the janitorial position at the school had opened just after graduation. Dianne had seized her opportunity. The job itself was rather mediocre. Rather thankless at the best of times. But Bill had always gone out of his way to make things easier for her. He had even lent her a book or two when she had pretended interest. Dianne made sure to flip through them so he wouldn’t suspect she hadn’t read them.

Thirty years was a long time to wait. A long time to ‘hang your hat on someone’ Dianne’s mother had warned her before her passing several years ago. She hadn’t understood that one doesn’t choose whom one loves. Love wasn’t something that could be turned on and off on a whim. Dianne had committed herself long ago and was willing to wait as long as necessary for Bill to make his move. But even Dianne had to admit, thirty years was a long time to wait. When she was all alone in the dark of the night she’d almost decide it was too long. The thing was, just when Dianne was on the brink of giving up hope, Bill would do something sweet, like hold open the door for her, or offer to carry the bag of trash to the dumpster and Dianne would melt.

Dianne hurried about her chores, picking up leftover garbage and dusting the pictures. She took extra care around Bill’s desk, straightening his pencils. The man was brilliant. Sometimes brilliant people took a long time to see the obvious. Sometimes forever was too good to be true.

Dianne looked at the clock. She just had enough time to run the vacuum before she left for the day but she’d have to be fast. She liked things to be perfect.  

She was wrapping the cord up when it caught her eye. A new book on the shelf. Bill was very particular about his bookshelf. He’d left her a note a few years back. He didn’t like her touching the books lined up so carefully, but Dianne didn’t care. She dusted them regularly. And after thirty years, she had memorized every title. And that dictionary did not belong there. It was much too short to be in that slot. Bill liked things lined up correctly. Dianne got closer for a better look. It was not her place to judge, but why would Bill have a dictionary like that on his shelf of sacred books? It almost looked like something a student would have on their desk. Dianne glanced at the clock again. She didn’t get paid overtime, so she really tried to finish her jobs before 5. It was a curious thing to be sure. Dianne shrugged. She wouldn’t sleep a wink if she didn’t at least have that shelf looking right. This long on the job, and one developed an appreciation for things to be just so.

Dianne lovingly removed the book from the shelf. This was Bill’s book. He took such good care of his books. She licked her finger to rub a smudge of dirt off the spine, surprised to see it there. She ran her finger over the top edge and hesitated briefly before opening the front cover.

Dianne’s jaw hit the floor. She snapped the book shut.

It was Bill’s book, and she had no business opening Bill’s books. But she opened every one of Bill’s books. She always had. He carefully inscribed his name into each one of his books and he had such neat handwriting.

There was no handwriting in the front of this book.

Dianne tossed the book onto Bill’s desk like it was on fire. She had never seen so much money in her life. What in the world would Bill need all that money for? And why would he hide the money in his book? He loved his books. What would possess him to cut the pages of a book out like that? No, Dianne concluded, this was totally uncharacteristic of Bill.

Money did that to people. She had a great uncle who won the lottery; it drove him crazy. Literally. Dianne had heard enough stories about crazy Uncle George that she knew money was the root of all evil. In her mind’s eye, she could see Bill hurrying down the hall. Maybe he had heard her greeting and ignored it? Money changed people.

Dianne opened the book again. Yes, it was full of clean, crisp one-hundred-dollar bills. Almost brand new. Dianne’s mind drifted to the many things one could buy with this kind of money. One would hardly have to work at all!

Dianne froze. If Bill had this kind of money, he wouldn’t need to work anymore. If Bill didn’t need to teach anymore, she would no longer be cleaning Bill’s classroom at the end of every day. Her mind raced. Why, she would have no contact with Bill at all if he didn’t have to work here. A bleak future lay before her. What would life without Bill be like? Unbearable. In that second, Dianne made a snap decision.

Dictionary in hand, Dianne exited the now empty school. She walked with purpose. Her mind raced as she walked. She felt driven. She crossed Main Street in front of the bookstore. A ‘for sale or lease’ sign hung in the window. Dianne hugged the dictionary tightly to her chest and picked up her pace. The night air was chilly and damp. She pulled her sweater closed at her neck.

Memories of the years with Bill floated through her mind. A clarity came upon her. Well, the years without Bill, actually. It was as though the book in hand offered a transparency, a fresh look at what she had understood to be reality. In her mind, she now realized that Bill’s lack of actual response to her devoted attention was a response in itself. Her footsteps faltered. She had been filled with dread at the thought of life without Bill, but for thirty years now that is exactly what she had lived. A entirely new thought entered her mind.

  A fat ball of fur ran in front of her, startling her. “Fluffy!” a greasy looking middle-aged man lumbered behind the cat. Dianne stepped into the shadows to avoid being bumped. She wrinkled her nose at the strange smell and stayed in the shadows, watching the man trying to coax the cat into his arms. “Come on Princess. It’s dangerous out here. We need to get home to the others.”

Yes. This was for the best. She opened the dictionary one last time, fingering the bills. Money changed people.

Dianne hurried down the street. The wind picked up tugging her hair loose. She was almost there. She could see the building looming in the distance. A light shone on the lettering etched in stone. First National Bank. The bridge was just down the road from there.

The water was dark and moody beneath her, swirling and churning, moving to the pull of its own monsters. Dianne gave it one more thought. She wouldn’t go back. Not after this. This was goodbye. A strange peace came over her.

 In the next second, it was over.

The book floated briefly before beginning its slow descent to the depths. Dianne watched until it faded from sight. Gone.

Her hand reached into her cardigan pocket. Yes, she had done the right thing. She felt light. Free. Her future lay before her. After one last look, she turned from the bridge and began a slow walk home. Forever could be different things. Maybe this forever was not too good to be true.

The End.

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